Sincerely I don’t know yet as have catch it up, the unique thing that I am aware is that tomorrow will be beginning an new adventure that have never imagined at all, well being honest from long time ago I always visualized it on my mind but never believed that was to be a reality, although I am beginning in a very low profile without relevance to the rest of gazing on, even a part time that will force to try to find other jobs, even don´t know if it will be something temporary or at the end permanent on even transfered to full time on, although my previous exposuring talk me that my person in his whole set in union with my professionalism and nature way to do the things usually take very few time to open the mind in the neigbour to move on to other levels of perspective, however you never know as it will walk on.
Anyway think that is very good beginning on about a process that I don’t know where will be placing on or better said which will be the next that the destiny have already prepared for me, however there is one thing that have to be very so clear: I DON’T HAVE FEAR AT ALL, live without fearing in from a long time ago, have a lot of respect but insist there are not any sign of fears surround me at all. I AM ABSOLUTELY READY to receive whatever issue in, my MIND have a work of resistsence out of the common, and would never better said that worked about bombs on, a great support over my special hypersensibility developed in tough job through of its constraints and consequences on, was and have been my engine to keep moving on about a job that everyone should go to catch up and place in their inner.
” My last articles about putting down the boundaries or even to develop the ability to use a compassionate observation on, were written on with a clear intention, IT MAKES SENSE RIGHT NOW, DOESN’T IT? (remind you although considere me a foolish alway wallk one or two steps over you), my hands always are offered to improve each other never to block the process of anyone (frequently behaviour of the society) “.
As I don’ want to do that so long, let me to divide the article in two fields, CHRONOLOGY of the facts and an Ocean of expressing out MY GRATITUDE in, because in this way will understand it and also bring out a conscious’ duty that is free gift to share with human being that at the end got to break the walls of scepticism that there is always to some weird or that is not very common.
CHRONOLOGY (Obviously I won’t talk about almost 39 years of life, but let me start from changed and destroyed everything that there was around of me, a click that burst all in).
(Before of that years, there are many details, that in some the process have always respected me in relation my permanent personal development…)
2012 – 2013. My last girfriend had in to the date in nowadays, a relation that if you imagine a cake with diferent types of layers, it was as to be placing on the last layers on, but that always must be flexible to keep your inner in a state of modulation that let yourself keep in a permanent job to develop different levels of adaptability in relation to the needs of the moment. Subjects as the abuse treatments or the migraines or even the mix between the psychology canine and human, their brutal inner impact as the minimization’ sounds that could be able to hold in others while was already placed in parallel about a psychological job that was in a very professional phase, made that the whole set pushing me unavoidably to a position or CLICK that have never got any break in development even mustn’t neither.
2014. My focus on photography, I have my professional studies about it, even in the beginning my website was completely focused on it, even grabbed very good comments although also received suspicious behaviours as when saw you like a rival instead of a colleague of profession where can learn and grow together, so try to put you out, even the life placed me someone on the way but never said them helllo, because at the end of that year have changed my focus, but by the way was lucky to make a workship in a magazine, where everyone wanted me like photographer, maybe I am very accesible and persuadable to make the things properly.
On that point I realised that didn’t want to be behind a camera, close behind a bottom and much less to be running on movement from a side to other while loading on my back plenty of cameras and lens as wanted to be the bests sport and nature photographer, then saw with clearly a dream that always want to get and about the process of lessons that had in relation to where the destiny knew that should be on, so opened my channel and understand much more as that exposuring on photography that have had through of different experiences grabbed a great relation with the human brain through of that it means (that article is not for that).
Put the focus on tennis, and see if I could be useful, had to prove myself as useful I could be or maybe couldn’t, but there was to exposure in, means know the kitchen from inside, always have been teaching in home, that place the focus where you place it, the first thing is work hard in the kitchens of that area, to grab a whole knowledge about as it is management, the treatement between clients and suppliers…etc….
” I come from a leadership business family, there were better way to know as develop on a very good level of leadership without corners on, that lived it with our own eyes on or better said through of your five senses in good performance on (my hypersensiblity give me that game of the senses, although my trust generouus leave it loose many times) “.
2014 B. On September from that year, a conversation witht a nice french lady ( ” La Karateka ” as liked to call her, because she practiced that sport) in a Sturbucks, changed a direction without that she was aware at all, that made that sent a lot of articles to all kind of clubs or sport facilities, without expectatives on as either I wasn’t looking to work in something big, but then something unexpected was comming up, received a first email full of scepticism but between lines I knew that had a minimum option to fight for it, were three weeks exchanged emails while try to convince them to with minimum be able that could see my person on live, so finally got to light up an interview, probably one the best environment that two interviewer can create to an interviewee to that place out alll the best of himself/herself, but even when was over, feelt that could have given much more about many aspects, knew that it woudn’t enough.
Well, then so few hours later from a pakistani parlour sent them other email while showed them an intense interest for it; but in whatever way knew one more time between my sixth sense and reading between lines, that there was other candidate, so decided to bet for him, however I didn’t stop to writen them every few days, then once week later, the guy didn’t work and call me back, 6th of November (Bonfire Night) at 6pm there my life would start to give a big change.
My level of exposuring there was as traveling in a boat in the middle of the ocean with the weather always placed in a unpredictable state so created an infinite variability of waves around that moved the boat with fury and that you must manage it in relation to the demand that was requested on, sincerely were a wonderful period that in some way informed me that could be very useful and help through of a structure line of development, even still think that can be useful. I lived there ordinary moments from day to day, different types of championships, that included two Queen’s Club, a Davis Cup (Great Bretain to France), and three trainings to the ATP Master Cup (O2).
2017. On January left the Queen´s Club, although have given my resignation letter on September from the previous year, however the good people that there was in that club at least on that moment, the love that had about my person, even as during that four extra months, day by day tried to persuade to that my mind was changed and start to built my pathway with them, however was stubborn with myself that the best choice would be to come back to Spain and work with my tennis coach from when I was a kid. It was that I did.
But on that first two months, february and March, the life placed me in an interesting way, where was able to tour practically the places with more intensity and weigh in realtion to the spanish tennis as around of Mallorca as about Barcelona, even observing during hours the job that were being development in differents Federations (Catalana, Balear, Aragonesa and Madrileña), so was in every place in a corner, on silence and practically passing unnotice on, about all that must add other small gift is that where two weeks was working or better said giving support to other two coaches through of the development to a player on, an experience that was more to be a sponge that open my mouth as asking for that to be interrupting there, but when told my mouth always have something happen on, was a great lesson.
2017 – 2018. After of that weeks that life brought me to travel around but about all and the most important issue that was have got the chance to listen face to face with an ourbust of honestity (FRANQUEZA) theirs opinions, advices, real words that placed my peson in a great point of sharpeness, detail that is basic on my person to find in the human values from others. Well worked again with my coach who is very well valued in that called Tennis, was like four or five days a week, about three longs hours by session, two hours on court plust one outside of the court, just making physical exercises, shadows or even the most important from the process to combine of all that with several conceptual conversations as technically, tactically as about mindset, an exchange that were tottally focused as tennis coach, insist on that because sadly is so different about when you are a player, so shouldn’t be like that, but the work about emotional development usually is very poor; but also about that all unfinished three hours, must add other three hours by myself, just practicing against a wall or making services, or going to the gym to make different exercises, running for one hour plus one hour of swimming, love to finsih on the swimming leaving everything out, as forget the power that have the water.
” The tennis is a healthy fountain and must be treated like a fountain of healthy “.
” Carlos I know that your are indefatigable, that can be on courts hours, hours and hours independently of the weather, hottest, raining or snowing and will never stop, but is not about that spend several hours there, just when are there make it with quality, useful for the journey and for the next day “.
On that two years, apart of my several rythms of trainings, was studying a master on Sports Psycholgy (IESPORT) so warned me about relevant details on, I got to finished all the courses from the RPT (Registry Professional of Tennis), also assisted on the different congress as those were celebrated in Madrid as in Barcelona even online as well, but of course which was my mainly objective, so thought that when left the Queen’s Club, said myslef, right, go back to Spain, spend 6 months there, then prepare the courses and after can go out to everywhere with the title down your arms, however it wasn’t like that, so appreciated it a lot at the end, a process that woud repeat but changing few details, that was to make the courses with the RFET (Real Federación Española de Tenis), that were two promotions from level 1, won’t go on details explained on other articles, but to the obligation to face up against very dangerous personal issues to be self responsible must be a personal obligation with a great reward at the end although it couldn’t seem like that.
Anyway, the best way is not about a paper that tag you that you are that or maybe that other, is about that you are able to learn through of the way, so the best gift were many of my colleagues, because except on my first test of access when my hypersinsibility was on, which had that manager extra issues, on the rest of the occasions had already on consciouness every detail as in a contextual as human level, the calm, peace as about all don’t let that the joy of getting fun about that love was destroyed was really noticiable on my colleagues, that didn’t understand anything that even some of them with who didn’t talk, came me to ask as got to be relaxed and never drink any coffee, rebull, coke or whatever other item, even some were more far away felt worried about me, how do you get that person doesn’t go to destroy with the behaviour that you are receiving on?, because if we place in your place, believe me, the suicide wouldn’t be so far away.
” Remind that on my person that both years, as on personal as familiar terms were one the most painful years so had to manage issues that were demanding a high emotional level if didn’t want to see you lost on the way, even my coach knew the issue, said me, “Carlos have had players even with situations worst than yours, and usually they retired for a while and then come back later on, but you are here working hard and nobody notice anything, adverted him that must remind our times when he coached on my teenagers times, and as was my mind but about all that were about that in front had someone done of other sterner stuff ( ” hecho de otra pasta ” ), from his psychogical impact changed and our process of development make the times shortest “.
Listen it was an authentic impact, that made on me a faster flash about my way traveled in to catch u a level, that in nowadays is much more powerful in every aspect, but also left me so be worried about the education that are receving on, because they couldn’t understand that was standing up so quite while went back to the court to work the hardest way possible, about that next years, and during the lockdown left us that the situation kept the same or even worst, because to be self-responsible is the toughest area that a human being have to face up but in the same time is that more reward bring in.
Other point in that 2017 – 2018, that can’t leave on the air, is about my voice (chronic injury from was a baby) and even about the injury that made on my wrist in the own curse during the second promotion, because it was so difficult to understand that with 6 months of difference from a promotion to other, with all the effort that have placed on, find a double human behaviour that didn’t have relation to that I was showing on, didn’t have sense at all, but find me later on with my coach with the wet eyes, was a facial gesture imposible that create an great impact in the mind that is saving in, that independently of everything on rewards to the process brough on, but must forget that on both cases had reports that explained everything clear, but never were read, honestly I don’t care, let me explain.
At the end, both issues, one for obscenes comments and other for the own injury, brought me to know two great professional, focused me in the process and give myself a growth in all the senses that woudn’t change at all, the Speech Therapist to push me to develop in other level details that were working on but without contextualization, and the physioterapist, as my private one of my own confidence from long time ago before to make the courses, that works with many type of humans, between them athletics from the Tennis Chamartin, triathletes, or about all paralympics, so through of that terapeutic approach which I am always insisting on, through of that permanently psychological development goes to create a inner context as aware as congruent on deep perceptio and in conclusion with that point through of fighting against the clock to can execute the exams of course in the best possible conditions, combined sessions from my phsyio with my assistance to FISIOGLOBAL (both in Majadahonda, Madrid, Spain) to develop in my wirst a Indiba treatment to accelerate the recovering on, but obviously was impossible but tried everything but never the mercy in. Why am I recovering that story?, read below…
” Fisioglobal, well, I am a human, friendly, closed that from that famous click, usually don’t stop to talk but about all and most important listening well, learning from others and even can be able to combine both types of points, then during that sessions, remind a double situation as in the reception as after inside while were attending me on the process, always kept a conversation, as said was and is important on my person to focus about the different possiblities of the impacts in, physically and mind, then, they were very surprised about my way that I argue or make reflections about the issues, said Carlos that you have over there is a great value, need professional like that, then I took and put there against ” wall “, said them, please don’t play with myself, sure that said it a lot, I was acting on proporse to see which was their reaction, then, was sit down in small room, changed their gesture, said me, Carlos, we are attending many athletics people from different sports, obseving many coaches, I don’t know as you play tennis or which is your level, but it that you have inside the Federation should be aware about who have in front of them,…… wow what has it been going on over there right now?, asked myself, I didn’t now that say, just thank you very much, but I don’t think so that they are going to contemplate it, don’t just because they don’t want is because they are struggle in with something personal issue that are going over them (4 months later, was able to know which was the serious problem that had on). ” (My regular phsyo already have the same opinion than Physioglobal from long time ago, but receive it from someone ouside and so neutral was unbelievable).
2019. After have lived in the end of the previous years as with own RFET as in personal and familiar terms, decided on December of that year to come back London (UK), of course, it was never to run away from anything (that in psychology is very dangerous, because it will act like a boomerang, will come back soon or later on with more fury against you), so during six months didn’t want to know anything about tennis (although on my inner had clear whatever my objective once that have worked at the Queen’s Club), means don´t read anything in relation with it, nor watched any match neither, nor listen to anyone, creating a layer that put me far away from there, and could see clearly that must do with my life however the destiny wanted me in the opposite way that didn’t leave my fighting with it, on september of that year, gave my resignation letter from the hotel where was working on and was again to persuit my dream, tried it on that period of year, because usually is more properly about finding around on, but finished working in other hotel, but in that case in its SPA, so united to previous experiences and situations was lived around, placed me in a situation more awaresness about small issues in realtion to our Mind, opening a channel that never find an end in.
2020 – 2021. The PLAN-DEMIC, the previous days my back tooth was broken, so had the brilliant idea to fly to Spain so thought that would be cheapest one, however a bad praxis and with the lockdown over head, while the people lost absolutely the head so left me with the mouth opening without attending on, then got caught there, but when got repair the issue took the first fly to come back London, honestly was a gift to have flighted to my city during that period and be able to deep in psychological terms about issues that always were in front but that days opened it out more. Once in London tried to find a job, as during that period many humans were though away, but didn’t get anything, while in London everyone were in the parks without anyone using the muzzles on, in Madrid everyone kept closed at home.
Well, then in that September, as didn’t get job, took other huge risk on my route to my dreams, but also with many priorites already changed on, so decided to move to Geneve (Switzerland), although at the end was in the borderline with France, at Annemasse with an Ecuador’s Family, was cheapest one and in everything on euros, so were living about eight months, the intention always was to work in the countryside over whatever farm or even on tennis, why not?, want to dive on air fresh, feel the nature around while connect with the my own roots, even in the middle of my period there left out all the social networks and just had a classic phone, however although could speak two languages, without contacts and with the groups so closed it was so difficult to try to find job around there, even the challenge to learn a new language (The French), so decided to come back to London, always so on the go as in the return with a stop at París, so walked for everywhere, included from Roland Garros to Notre Dame through of Senna’s path; by the way as in France as Geneve as already commented in London, never was in comparation about that lived that 2 months that was stuck in Spain, as said was a gift that give me much more clearity, awaresness about levels and anchors on psychology.
” I would repeat again all my choices took in that moment, were spontaneous, unexpected although coudn’t be in the last goodbye of my grandmother, as also didn’t want that last remind of ther full of muzzles on, as the best remind is everything human side that she taught me and that try to apply on every day, as also were again closed to be in the most strict economic ruin, the personal knowledge can’t be paid with anything that will be always inside of me, is that place where grab a wisdom out “.
2021 – 2022. Once more time at London again, as I always travel free of fears as said in the beginning of my article even, through of the own travel about my choices, well was turned to come back to the beginning, means work as Kitchen Porter or Washing dishes or as you want to call that, tried to work permanently, were moving for many places, where if you get in and saw the process of cleaning of the kitchens you would never eat there, although I am not perfect, to be profesional is not very acceptable even sometimes that is paid with benefits like that had to live the last year when worked in the LAWNS as kitchen porter during the Wimbledon Championship, or even in other places where I was working on as in as small Spa from an Spanish Company, but after in the last 4 months and half was working in other Spa down built in the Claridge’s hotel have been an unique experience (in gratitude explain it more).
Anyway, have commented above, once that left the Queen’s Club, then was in Spain working on, and after decided to come back, knew that the only place to work must be get in to the National Tennis Center, so insisted every year, sending my curriculum, applied online and even let myself to drop around and see that could happen on, then nine months ago an door was opening, exactly for my birthday, which made an interview that didn´t work, but keep insisting week a week, month by month, then that time other door was opening again, right now couldn’t lost it again, so here will be from tomorrow, will have to go slowly, step by step, probably to combine with other job, and of course with my degree on psychology plus my pathway with the LTA courses to validate with the spanish issues, that is being tough and very slow but will be going up.
Brief Conclusion before to get in to the GRATITUDE AREA.
Dear reader, tennis coach, ex-colleague or whatever other area you are placed on, but at the end human being that have got to catch that point on, as you have been able to check around of my writting, my way is always moving in a very lonely way, without any kind support, nor environment, nor even a clean process in the development, but that I have never stopped to believe on myself in spite of receiving permanently all kind of bad words, insults, humiliations and even an infinite number of affronts on or understimating my potential, sincerely I don’t care, means have never got that nobody believe on myself in the same way that I believe on myself, through of a variety of external factors out of my control, however their own protecting reactions have always been to try about destroying me, even still going on my areas, as have took my intentions or dreams or my own person seriously, sincerely can try it millions of times that will never going their objective as I am so strong and well very worked in as that there won’t come anything against me that can put me down, I am a untypical guy, weird, but in the same time a human being that walks with his chest out and his mind up, so proud about my process took on, because everything is not about that you come from hardward or stratford or even whatever kind of position, at the end, your knoweledges will get very poor value if your human influence is null, as forget that everything is development for humans to other humans.
” The lonely is not coming up for own choice, but at the end of the way is transformed in own choice when the neighbour doesn’t wish to see the rest the layers, furthermore take sense to put down the banduries don’t walk aimlessly through of road, because our identity is about being on, the rest are simple suitcase that can hold in a kind or other of weights, but who you are just can be discovered through of the lonely, a long work that will come from as of a period of self-responsability as in a process of sef-discovery about everything that is bring in “.
MY GRATITUDE.
Although as have commented in the begining of article, will start in very low profile that even will need to combine with other job (maybe again a Kitchen porter position, although hopefully could be something in the tennis / sports industry to place everything together on growth) is a very good beginning to someone who as have development in the all article are doing a SOLO traveling on but that in the same time is its great powerful human weapon, so have let my person that is placed in personal terms in a high level in spite of living together a hypersensibility that is and will keep being a great engine of motions.
As also a human being like me, where is very aware where are theirs weakness that have improved all them day by day, but won’t avoid that always have to do a cuadruple effort to others with tht objective to show who I am really in a step far away from our point of impact, so usually keep stuck in our variety of relationships, so in the end lost great opportunities to grow up without breaking on.
Then, as said above, now have a lot of sense the articles wrote about the boundaries and the compassionate observation, that wrote as a little bit of proporse because knew that was coming up but couldn’t confirm it till today, have been a long time fighting or better said have to manage many things, now deserve it and can go placing on my labour area in a high dimension as is actuallly my personal area, at least as minimum that grab in a stock balance, and obviously that wouldn’t be being possible without receiving them on many of nice feedbacks from my person that help to break a first impact, that being honest also put on the manifest that in all companies or areas is need to elevate or work about many psychological concepts that let a sharp reading on without needs to grab a lot about the references on. (Here is not a matter to talk about the leadership as have commented some detail through of the article on).
So my gratitude go for,
The Tennis Queen’s Club, his general manager, the supervisor and everyone who have kept to trust on my person from the first day who gave the chance to grab an experience that gave me the chance to prove mysef through of their variety on weights about everything that lived and enjoyed there, while jumped over the contexts, conversations, movements,..and long etc, that will acompany my whole life, opening the kitchen about a passion that had a lot fears to share with, felt it day by day was magic as feel that could be useful as all the unexpecte connections that collaterally went built although sometimes asked to myself if I deserved it or don’t, however the job that have gone developing day by day from my departure from there talk me that I am walking on and must keep there although is being very slow however feel that I am going in the right direction.
The Claridge’s hotel and the Berkeley hotel, the director of the spa although is not there, the managers from both Spas, the rest of bosses, humans from the other departments (Valet, Canteen, Security, Housekeeping….) as the whole team from the Barkely Spa, from everyone always there are details to grab it in, and of course to my team from the Health and club Spa, will always considere them as my team independently of the circunstances were coming up, all and every one of them, from their own character and personality from everyone that have pushed me to other human dimension (as would say in the psychological argot), honestly here there were that highlight two amazing issues:
1. A way from zero, an authentic building on from the nothing, as psychally as humans terms so remembered me the effort and sacrifice my past on my city about the job done in the family company, the doubles leadership who were my dad and uncle, the variety of ways with their consequences in that could do the things comming up or even as small details can change in whatever instant to one or other direction without being able to detect it or even don’ t have enough brave to take choices in the unique exact moment, as the life is always choices, that choices always have consequences, leaving, facing up or simply to grab a level of adaptability that the situation is demanding on, but on both cases, decided to break with everything once that have place on all my value and that my style of life was opposite to it, to take vaule about oneself is basic and untoached.
2. Also could identify or justly to specify in one human being in particular who have opened a door to explore out still more strongest all my personal job that has never stopped to bring out, while got much more self-awareness, a depth that is an explosion that will never be forgotten as the inner situation placed is to be always in a state of grateful and of course hope that have been able to leave around of the whole team a little of my footprink in, with my imperfections included, because is from exactly from there, the unique way that bring us to other level, understanding, empathazing and development that imperfections to convert it in strengths.
Honestly thank you very much to all of you for all that wonderful feedbacks that help to break all the layer of sceptiscism down and in some collateral way to make my quadruple effort is being a little bit less to show out who I am without any fears absolutely to anything and so ready to be in whatever stage and leave from there absolutely clean and even with more powerful reinforcement, as have said hope have left some from me in all of you.
A ending conclusion, I consider that is very important to be able to learn from everyone, that our fouces are opening to grab whatever details from the cashier of the supermarket, the bus driver, the human that we cross in the street, or that neibourgh that is around of you, or of course whatever component of you team work or even from other departments, always there many details to grab it in, even that can do that the day of that human being and surely others that can be around start to be some different, gain us consciousness about it, but about all start to be self-responsible about our own inner who are and that seeds can leave out, but that your music, those who loves a lot, it is your sense of life, those that change all your whole inner, don’t let to be blocked in.
As said in the beginning, tomorrow start a beginning an adventure that I don’t know where will be the process placing me but on that time can’t be sleepery form hands again ever, must be a tortoise, walk slowly but I am aware that I am in the right address as have mentioned in the article few times, and also you can read between lines, the nature, find a life the most organic way possible, to my is a priority, after have spent more than twenty five years closed in a room with a walkman on high volumen, my person just want to breath air, nature and feel a innes fresh from the bottom of his inner, the tennis have been my passion from was a baby, have my ambitions as the day make everything a wonderful travel from a simple camper van that is the only we need on. Well if you recognise me around there, don’t have fear nor get to be shy and said me hello, I am very accesible and easy guy.
We building on!.
ALWAYS PURE TENNIS!.
FDO. CARLOS AZUARA AGUADO.